The beginning of parenthood….

Wow!  I had to remember how to sign in and get typing.  HA!  I loved the break I took at blogging.  The last 4 months have been the most amazing, challenging, and happiest of my life.  However, it wasn't the happiest for me in the beginning of my motherhood journey.   When I was 9 months pregnant and nearing my 39th week of pregnancy, I was terrified.  My OB said I was 80% effaced and almost 3 cm dilated.  Every morning I would wake up and would think "OMG, am I really ready for this"?  Also, I wanted her out of me because I was so uncomfortable.  I couldn't even roll over in bed.  I had to sit in the shower to bathe because my legs hurt so much.  The night I went into labor I knew it was coming.  I was checked by my doctor, and all of a sudden I started feeling this dull pulling in my lower back.  We had plans with friends that evening so I ignored it.  I was telling myself it was just braxton hicks.   After some spicy food, and playing cards against humanity, the dull pain became harder in my back.  I started to feel anxiety.  My hubby and I arrived home from our friends house and I attempted to get into bed and try to sleep as comfortably as I could due to my huge belly.  Then it happened…..LABOR.  I got up so I could let my honey sleep, and went downstairs to try and walk around.  I wanted to scream at how painful the labor progressed.  I couldn't breathe, and I started to cry alone on our couch.  Finally after 5 hours of 6 min apart contractions all in my back, I called the hospital.  They told me to come in.  I frantically woke up Eric and we drove to the hospital.  Hours of waiting and no progression.  I was so upset and in pain.  I was sent home with Ambien and was told to get some sleep.  Problem was, the pain was so awful I couldn't even close my eyes without tears.  My parents arrived several hours later and I wanted my mom so bad.  She held me through the contractions and tried to soothe the terror I felt.  Finally after several warm baths that night and trying to sleep I couldn't take it anymore.  I called the hospital again and we got in the car to drive back.  It was like it was all meant to happen this way.  My water broke in the car on the way….definitely felt like I pissed my pants several times.  It was so cold out it kinda felt nice, HAHA.   I got the blessed epidural and finally slept for a few hours.  Then I was fully dilated.  I pushed for almost 5 hours.  NOTHING.   I was the most exhausted I had ever felt.  I couldn't physically push anymore.  My epidural was wearing off on my right side and I burst into tears.  The doctors wanted to try forceps, and I refused.  A C-section was the only other option.  I accepted immediately.  It was the relief I needed to see my daughter and stop the pushing that was doing nothing.   She wasn't moving down my birth canal, and I felt like I was going to pass out.

After prepping me for surgery and minutes ticking, she finally came.  Finley Marie Gacon 8 pounds 11 ounces and 21 inches long.  I was so tired I could barely smile.  I heard her cry and I looked over at my husband and I knew all was okay.

I have so much more to explain on becoming a new mom.  I want to explain that it was not a fairy tale. Not at first.  That will be another post.  I was relieved she was  healthy and okay.  I felt like an entirely different human being.  Now, I love being her mom.  I continue to love her more each day.  I even love Eric so much more now.  We are a family and it makes me cry on how lucky we are.
It really made my day to share this today.  Stay tuned for the second part of my journey after we arrived home from the hospital.

Peace,

Dinah xo