My mother stayed with us for 2 weeks to help. If she was not here I do not know how I would have made it. I knew I had to get help with my anxiety. I was even afraid to change Finley's clothes. I was sad that our previous lifestyle was gone. I was upset that it was winter and felt extremely isolated. I begged my mom not to go, I even vomited the morning after she left. I am not trying to be a debbie downer but I do want people to understand that PPD is no joke. It's serious and I knew I needed help. I decided that nursing was not an option due to this. I made a choice to feed Finley formula exclusively. I started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I started on meds about 2 weeks after I gave birth. I am still taking medication today and I have no regrets.
I had no idea how this was going to affect me. I always imagined mothers wanting to harm themselves or their child. THIS WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL. I just had this "funk" over me and it took almost Finley's first month of life for me to truly "snap out of it". I was holding her on the couch one evening and I looked at her and it was like I was slapped and I snapped out of it. I had been on medication over a month and I knew all was going to be okay. I knew that I was a parent and needed to be there for Finley. She is the most precious thing in my life now. I love her more than anything else in this world and would walk through fire for her. I urge new momma's if they are experiencing anything I explained, to please get help. You are not alone. It is so important to help yourself so you can be your best for your child. They need you. I needed her too. I needed my sweet Finley and the comfort I felt when I snapped out of my PPD was so relieving. I also had amazing support from family and friends. I could not imagine if I was a single parent what I would had done to make it through. Telling this story is such a relief. I felt very embarrassed and ashamed about the way I felt.
So thank you for reading!