A little photo sesh….

Hey friends!

I have to boast and brag about my BFF and her photog skills!  She started out last year and I am just amazed at her talent!!!  When she came to visit me last month she was so kind to take some shots of my Fin and yours truly!  If you have kiddos and are in the D.C. area you must look her up!  She specializes in children mostly but I know she has taken some engagement and family shots too!   She has a heart of gold and I am lucky to have her as a friend!   This is not her full time profession, but I swear she could make a career out of this!  

Here are some of my favorite shots!

I look at these shots and I tear up every time.  A picture shares so many emotions and a lasting memory.  

I love you Kristin!  Thank you for capturing these precious memories for me.

xo Dinah

Baby blues?

Looking back on how I felt as we brought our little Finley home from the hospital was definitely almost like a "Twilight Zone" feeling.  Almost as though I had a dreaded feeling.   Fellow parents,  I know many of you have experienced your own form of the "baby blues" so to speak.  What I thought was the baby blues was not.  I read while I was pregnant that women who suffer from depression or anxiety may have a larger chance of experiencing  post partum depression.  I have had symptoms of anxiety for a very long time.  I was taking medication for my symptoms when I discovered I was pregnant with Finley.  I immediately weened myself off of my meds just because I didn't want to risk anything being newly pregnant for the first time.  How did I feel you ask?  I felt really withdrawn.  Cried all the time, was super paranoid something terrible was going to happen to Finley or even my husband.  Then at times, when she would cry and I would be tired, I wouldn't even want to get out of bed to feed or comfort her.  I knew deep down I loved her, but I felt as though our lives were going to be this constant strain and the feeling of being helpless and not knowing what the hell to do.    Some women probably do not even get what I am saying because they either get the baby blues real quick, or they have never suffered from depression or anxiety before.

My mother stayed with us for 2 weeks to help.  If she was not here I do not know how I would have made it.  I knew I had to get help with my anxiety.  I was even afraid to change Finley's clothes.  I was sad that our previous lifestyle was gone.  I was upset that it was winter and felt extremely isolated.  I begged my mom not to go, I even vomited the morning after she left.  I am not trying to be a debbie downer but I do want people to understand that PPD is no joke.  It's serious and I knew I needed help.  I decided that nursing was not an option due to this.  I made a choice to feed Finley formula exclusively.  I started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist.  I started on meds about 2 weeks after I gave birth.  I am still taking medication today and I have no regrets.

I had no idea how this was going to affect me.  I always imagined mothers wanting to harm themselves or their child.  THIS WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL.  I just had this "funk" over me and it took almost Finley's first month of life for me to truly "snap out of it".   I was holding her on the couch one evening and I looked at her and it was like I was slapped and I snapped out of it.  I had been on medication over a month and I knew all was going to be okay.  I knew that I was a parent and needed to be there for Finley.  She is the most precious thing in my life now.  I love her more than anything else in this world and would walk through fire for her.  I urge new momma's if they are experiencing anything I explained, to please get help.  You are not alone.  It is so important to help yourself so you can be your best for your child.  They need you.   I needed her too.  I needed my sweet Finley and the comfort I felt when I snapped out of my PPD was so relieving.   I also had amazing support from family and friends.   I could not imagine if I was a single parent what I would had done to make it through.   Telling this story is such a relief.  I felt very embarrassed and ashamed about the way I felt.

Almost thinking to myself, "Do I really love my child"?    Of course I do.  She is amazing.

So thank you for reading!

xo, Dinah

The beginning of parenthood….

Wow!  I had to remember how to sign in and get typing.  HA!  I loved the break I took at blogging.  The last 4 months have been the most amazing, challenging, and happiest of my life.  However, it wasn't the happiest for me in the beginning of my motherhood journey.   When I was 9 months pregnant and nearing my 39th week of pregnancy, I was terrified.  My OB said I was 80% effaced and almost 3 cm dilated.  Every morning I would wake up and would think "OMG, am I really ready for this"?  Also, I wanted her out of me because I was so uncomfortable.  I couldn't even roll over in bed.  I had to sit in the shower to bathe because my legs hurt so much.  The night I went into labor I knew it was coming.  I was checked by my doctor, and all of a sudden I started feeling this dull pulling in my lower back.  We had plans with friends that evening so I ignored it.  I was telling myself it was just braxton hicks.   After some spicy food, and playing cards against humanity, the dull pain became harder in my back.  I started to feel anxiety.  My hubby and I arrived home from our friends house and I attempted to get into bed and try to sleep as comfortably as I could due to my huge belly.  Then it happened…..LABOR.  I got up so I could let my honey sleep, and went downstairs to try and walk around.  I wanted to scream at how painful the labor progressed.  I couldn't breathe, and I started to cry alone on our couch.  Finally after 5 hours of 6 min apart contractions all in my back, I called the hospital.  They told me to come in.  I frantically woke up Eric and we drove to the hospital.  Hours of waiting and no progression.  I was so upset and in pain.  I was sent home with Ambien and was told to get some sleep.  Problem was, the pain was so awful I couldn't even close my eyes without tears.  My parents arrived several hours later and I wanted my mom so bad.  She held me through the contractions and tried to soothe the terror I felt.  Finally after several warm baths that night and trying to sleep I couldn't take it anymore.  I called the hospital again and we got in the car to drive back.  It was like it was all meant to happen this way.  My water broke in the car on the way….definitely felt like I pissed my pants several times.  It was so cold out it kinda felt nice, HAHA.   I got the blessed epidural and finally slept for a few hours.  Then I was fully dilated.  I pushed for almost 5 hours.  NOTHING.   I was the most exhausted I had ever felt.  I couldn't physically push anymore.  My epidural was wearing off on my right side and I burst into tears.  The doctors wanted to try forceps, and I refused.  A C-section was the only other option.  I accepted immediately.  It was the relief I needed to see my daughter and stop the pushing that was doing nothing.   She wasn't moving down my birth canal, and I felt like I was going to pass out.

After prepping me for surgery and minutes ticking, she finally came.  Finley Marie Gacon 8 pounds 11 ounces and 21 inches long.  I was so tired I could barely smile.  I heard her cry and I looked over at my husband and I knew all was okay.

I have so much more to explain on becoming a new mom.  I want to explain that it was not a fairy tale. Not at first.  That will be another post.  I was relieved she was  healthy and okay.  I felt like an entirely different human being.  Now, I love being her mom.  I continue to love her more each day.  I even love Eric so much more now.  We are a family and it makes me cry on how lucky we are.
It really made my day to share this today.  Stay tuned for the second part of my journey after we arrived home from the hospital.

Peace,

Dinah xo

The things I miss the most….

Hola pals!!

I am currently relaxing on our new sectional sofa and it's great!!!  Will post pics once I have added the appropriate embellishments (winky wink)!!!     Anywho,  I am sure many of you who are mommies had a list of things or pre pregnancy routines  they would look forward to after they delivered their bundle of joy.   Not to be negative, but you all have to allow me to let this out.  Just because I am complaining doesn't mean I do not appreciate that I have had a  pretty easy pregnancy thus far, but I have had probably every annoying symptom of pregnancy, and I am ready for it to be done.  I feel like I am about to break in half…she is taking over my body like an alien.  I hurt all over, I often cannot sleep at all due to the heartburn and having to urinate every 10 mins, and the pressure and pain in my pelvic region feels like I have been riding on an old 80's ten speed bicycle for probably about 100 years….no joke!!!   Add walking to that pressure….it's not fun!   Anyway I guess my biggest thing is this…please do not tell me that I should be grateful or to stop complaining "at least you can experience it"….. it makes me want to scream!   If I told all of you that this experience has been the most beautiful and I loved every minute, is a complete lie.

I am determined to get back what I once loved and experience the following…

1.  My skinny jeans.  (I spent hard earned moola on some expensive ones and I will get back into them).
2.  Being able to sleep on my stomach ( I realize my sleep will be limited for some time after our lil girl arrives, but even if I can sleep on my stomach for a couple hours at a time, will be worth it)
3.  Running again…I cannot wait to start my running journey back up again.  I decided to take a hiatus when I became pregnant because for one I was vomiting so badly in the beginning and I just was paranoid of overdoing if incase I was high risk or anything risky in general.  I plan to run another half marathon next year and I cannot wait to train!
4. Having a cocktail or a delicious craft beer  I enjoy cuddling on the couch with my hubster and just enjoying each others company and sharing a bevy.  Or sharing a glass of vino with a BFF….those are good times I tell ya!
5. This is funny, but I want to be able to clean my house in record time.  Now, I am lucky if I can scrub a toilet without feeling winded and having to lie on the couch after every move.  Or to just be able to complete common tasks without wanting to crawl in the fetal position due to the pressure of my belly, LOL!!!


Those are just a few, but friends believe me when I say this.  I know mommy hood will be wonderful, I know that all I have been experiencing will all be forgotten when she comes into this world.  I cannot wait  for my hubby and I to be parents and to share this together.

Have a swell day peeps,
Dinah xo

Before and after of a DIY baby dresser/changing table!!!

Hey hey!!!

So did I ever mention to you all that my hubster is a bad ass when it comes to transforming things?  Well we both knew we wanted to go antiquing and find a dresser that was cheap and that we could re do and paint.  I was not a fan of spending an arm and a leg on a faux wood dresser that would fall apart and lacked originality.  So…here are some photos of the transformation of our baby girl's dresser/changing table!!!!

Before…only 98 buckaroos for this gem.  Solid wood!!!  Cannot beat that!

My hubby's hard working elbow grease removed/stripped and sanded….

And after….this dresser is so precious now, and looks brand new.   We just had to replace the dresser handles and picked out the perfect color for us.  And plenty of space!

This pic is just to show you the hand stenciled paint job that my hubster also did…her initials.  Still gives me goosies.  We love you already baby girl and cannot wait to have you in our arms.

Next on the agenda is to get her nursery all set up.  I am sure that will start in the next week or two.  

Have a great day peeps,

Dinah xo

A big hurdle complete…and I'm back!

Hello friends!

It has definitely been a long time since I have graced my presence on the sunshine train!!  Sorry pals.  I love you all and have missed blogging and all it entails terribly!  As you all read,  I announced in mid September that the hubster and I were planning to relocate to Madison, Wisconsin due to his job.  Well I took a much needed break so I could finish up the chapter that I will miss terribly in Richmond, VA. Closing that chapter was extremely stressful and hard for me.  I made some very special friends and the thought of leaving it made my insides hurt.  Not to seem so dramatic but it's true.

Anyhow, we made it safely to Madison and are officially homeowners to a beautiful home.  We are very lucky and fortunate that it all fell into place as quickly as it did.  Thank you god for that.  I feel extremely blessed to have a hardworking hubby who takes care of me and took care of all the heavy lifting.  He made this process very easy for me to transition into.  I am currently at my 32 week mark of pregnancy and I am doing great.  I have the common prego symptoms that are annoying but I am trying to just take it in stride.  I have gained roughly 35 pounds and I have been told I am all belly….I hope that works in my favor when our little girl arrives…hopefully I will lose the baby weight safely and will get back to (or close to) the weight before I became pregnant.

Just wanted to say hello to you all and just say that I really look forward to begin my blogging journey back up again and share with you all the exciting experiences that I am about to embrace these next couple months.      And below are some shots that my hubster captured on our last day in Richmond….goodbye RVA, we love you and all our peeps!

See you soon, and I promise it will not be for as long…. ;-)

Peace xo,

Dinah

You say it's your birthday....a week late!

Yeah...I am officially a year older!  31 to be exact!  This was definitely a different type of celebration this year...with my baby girl cooking in my belly, no cocktails and limo buses or wine lofts for me ;-)  But it was a great low key day!  

I think if I had to compose a wish list of some things I would want on my birthday in fantasy land...here is the ultimate daydream...

1. A custom tattoo by Kat Von D

2. A Marc Jacobs hand bag or three ;-)

3. A private jet to take my best friends, hubby and family to private resort all expenses paid

4. A closet the size of my house 

5. A lifetime supply of Jeffrey Campbell shoes

6. Red lipstick in every brand  (a girl can never have enough red)

7. Hair and makeup stylist  (every girl would love this)

8. A chance to personally interview my celeb crushes....to learn more about who these fancies are...read this.

9. Have an apartment to style hair, be creative
10. Never grow old (hehe)

I think that no matter what I am lucky to be a year older and was able to say I am happy, healthy and going to be a mommy!  But we are all able to dream big and stare off into space as to what would be the ultimate birthday wish list!  You all have them!  Let me hear em'

Love,

Dinah xo